Can You Beat Skyrim With Only The Wabbajack?

The worst part about Skyrim is how predictable the weapons are. The Sword is a Sword, the fire spell does fire stuff, summoning a transparent purple dog is just boring. But what if you wanted to roll the dice and let the gods of fate determine what kind of attack your weapon does against an enemy? Can You Beat Skyrim With Only The Wabbajack?

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 Can You Beat Skyrim With Only The Wabbajack? (in text form)

Intro stuff, an escape attempt, I chose a Wood Elf as my race for reasons I don’t remember, named myself Dragonborn to make believe they were calling me by my name, Alduin arrived, I entered Helgen Keep, navigated my way through it without attacking any enemies as I’ve done many times by now, it’s not all that difficult, and I emerged out into the world of Elder Scroll 5 ready to search for my weapon.

This probably won’t surprise you, there was a lie in that last paragraph. If you’ve seen my Skyrim Telekinesis Spell playthrough, you have a general idea of what’s coming. Without getting into the specific ways I tried to a God with a box of matches, I failed a challenge intended for Mitten Prime and instead of starting a new character for this challenge, I loaded a save about halfway through Helgen Keep and kept going. The problem is that I used swords to decapitate arms from their bodies and a sword is, of course, not the Wabbajack. So I failed the challenge before it ever really began. But I’m not letting that little detail derail this entire playthrough. Moving onward into the misery, my first stop was the carriage driver outside Whiterun. He rode me to Solitude so I could begin the Mind of Madness quest that would eventually lead to me obtaining the Wabbajack. You’ve gotta find this guy, this weirdo, this sick  ing maniac who worships Sheogorath, the mythic warlord of nonsense. He, the guy not the God, resides in Solitude.

Finding him was a challenge in and of itself because, despite having a picture of him etched inside my eyeballs, I had no idea where he lived or where to find him. Eventually I found him wandering through the Bone Orchard, we discussed how his master abandoned him at such extreme decibels that even the dead could hear us, I agreed to help him, and was off to track down the magical hip bone. I’d have offered up my own but I always get the tailbone and hip mixed up. My brother used to get purple and orange mixed up when we were little. Probably just a genetic malfunction on top of the dozens of others that plague our bloodline. 

I convinced a woman inside the Blue Palace to let me into Pelagius’ Wing, got covered in webbing, and was invited, against my will, into the Mind of Madness where good ol’ rainbow shirt guy was enjoying a meal. As soon as he mentioned cheese, I knew we were going to exist in the same dimension for a time. After taking his fork, I’ve always wanted an imaginary fork, I delivered the message from Dervenin. I was hoping he’d have me enter the arena and do battle with Stanley, the talking Grapefruit, but it was not to be. Once he told me I already knew him even if I didn’t know it yet, he explained that I was inside the mind of the long since dead Emperor Pelagius, I had me the Wabbajack, and began easing the worried mind of Pelagius.

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