Can You Beat Skyrim As A Disney Princess?

There was an idea, to bring together a group of remarkable creatures, to see if they could become something more. So when I needed them, they could fight the battles that I never could. Then, one day, after that team was brought together, a pair of twins birthed by the lord of hell himself, Jeff Bezos, killed one of the members of my elite team. Now, it's payback time. Can You Beat Skyrim As A Disney Princess?

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Can You Beat Skyrim As A Disney Princess? (in text form)

You’re probably wondering how I got from payback for a fallen friend to Disney princesses. It makes sense, just hear me out. Ya see, Disney movies are all about 3 things: love, honesty, and friendship, and money, and selling merchandise, and becoming a monopoly. The primary key in the Disney table that links it to the Murder table is friends. But we need to take it a step further, we’re not real enough yet. Look outside. See any animals? I doubt it, most of them are dead, but believe it or not they’re our friends. The problem is, they don’t know it yet. If I still love my dead dog’s ashes enough to make jokes about them, imagine how brutally I could smother a giant feral rat with my love. I want a pack of wild animals to love me, that’s why I’m a Disney princess, they like animals. 

To take a step back, to examine this from the comfort of a new paragraph, this is like the Fallout New Vegas Necromancer video only instead of resurrecting dead bodies and turning them into my companions, I’ve mastered the art of seduction and can make any wilderness creature weak enough in the knees that it’s practically begging to do anything I say. There’s just one small setback, because there always is. We’re well into 2021 now, it’s been an entire week at this point, everything must be as inconvenient and annoying as possible. It’s like a board game with your grandpa. You play Monopoly, there’s an argument about money, he says something about the war, you try to explain how real money is just as fake as the money you’re playing with, he shoots you in the chest and calls you a communist. A simple game turned into a mildly inconvenient evening. Did you think it was a real gun? Why would we let Grandpa have a real gun. All this means is its time for his medication. Sorry Josh, no consensual homicide this time. 

I got lost there for a second. Let’s get back to the beginning of the game. It was, ya know, pretty normal. I chose a woman as my race and made her as much like Cinderella as I possibly could. I thought maybe we were due for a tornado or something what with the sky and all. Alduin showed up and made the sky piss fire, I got my vision back, entered the keep, took a bucket, and went outside because I’ve got   to do. I used two mods to make this work. One allows up to 100 companions, as well as a bunch of other really useful stuff that I never used, and the other lets you tame any animal. But the Animal Taming mod uses spells for this. First you use a charm spell like Calm or Pacify to sooth the wild beast then you blast it with the Tame Animal spell and it’s yours. If you didn’t know there was a Tame Animal spell in Skyrim, it’s because there isn’t. It’s added by the mod and you can only get it from a certain someone inside the College of Winterhold. So not only do I have to get in there, I have to be able to afford the 2800 gold spell. You know what that means.

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